Another attempt to make Recoil right
by Megeen
Summary: Title says it all. Takes place directly where the episode left off.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note**

**Finally! My first own fanfic. Well, actually not the first, but the first that doesn't just consist of random sentences and actually made it from inside my head into the computer and now onto you screen.**

**I just had to, well as the title said try to make recoil right. It was undeniably an awsome episode, but left me feeling very disturbed and miserable. I'm so happy that there are already so many fics out there that pick up the pieces and try to mend TIVA back where it belongs - together. (Last sentence sounded kinda strange, but I guess you get what I'm trying to say, but that brings me to my next point.)**

**Please note that English is not my first language. If there are any mistakes whatsoever; some words and expressions sound just odd, strange, oldfashioned or whatever, please tell me. I'm a real perfectionist I guess, that's probably why most of my ideas didn't reach the level of actually being postable so far. But if you tell me which improvements I could make, I'm gonna try to correct the mistakes and repost the chapters, even though I don't know yet if that's even possible, since I've never done this before.**

**I don' really care if you review or not. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to hear what you think, but no one should feel obliged to review. Now that I've started this I'm going to post it anyway; I've definitely put too much work into this and written in the back-row of too many lectures during which I should have actually paid attention, to let this go to waste. OK if all of you send me flames and say that this is complete rubbish, I probably won't post the rest of the chapters, but I'm pretty satisfied with what I've come up with so far, not completely, but I think it's good for a first try. I even thought about going M-rated with this for a while, but that would probably have been much too much. And I like this pretty much as it is going to be, even without smut.**

**My draft says there are going to be 3 chapters, which are already more or less complete. I have the tendency to, well like mentioned in the beginning, write random sentences and paragraphs, whatever comes to my mind and have to fill the gaps if I really want someone to be able to read this. So: update will come, but might take a few days.**

**To cut this (very) long story short, I hope you haven't fallen asleep yet: Lean back and enjoy the ride!! **

**Oh yeah, disclaimer, nearly forgot. Well,obviously I don't own NCIS. Otherwise I wouldn't have to write this down, but could watch what I want to happen on TV.**

Chapter 1

"What are you doing here?" Ziva was exhausted. After giving Michael the number of his girlfriend/former girlfriend/soon-to-be-once-again girlfriend she just wanted to get home, maybe take a shower, and finally sleep again - sleep for days. But as she approached the door of her apartment she found it blocked by the body of her very annoying partner. Tony was sitting in front of her door and stared off into space. He had obviously been there for quiet a while and had tried to make himself comfortable on the hard floor, probably not very sucessfully.

He lifted his head and his tradmark smile was plaing on his lips as if to ask, why it whouldn't be completely normal for him to be here at close to midnight. He knew his smirk irritated her, and he also knew that he was playing with fire and his health, trying to coax a reaction out of her that wasn't "I'm fine". But even if she went all ninja-chick on him with a paperclip, it would still be better than being shut out completely. He had been irritated by her the last few days, hell, even sometimes intimidated as imaginary-Kate had so nicely put it, and he didn't like it, didn't like it at all.

And so he found himself in front of her door half of the evening, waiting, dreading that she might not return this night at all, or even come here with her new "boyfriend". He knew he wasn't, he knew she knew that the guy was still hung up on his ex, would be no part of her future, and he knew that he was just someone to make her forget. 'Been there, done that,' he thought. But that didn't make it hurt any less. He was there, and he wanted to help. Oh yeah, and there was also this stupid twisting knive in his gut that felt traitorously like jealousy. She had even said it, which shocked him actually, because it always seemed like a silent agreement between them: always feel, always know, never tell.

"I ask again," Ziva said still standing a few feet away from him, now looking down at him gravely, "what are you doing here?"

"Well," Tony rose to his feet, stepped aside and gestured for her to unlock the door, while he rambled on, "since you don't wanna drink and let me listen while you talk, or drink while you listen and I talk, we'll just stay silent and I'm gonna make sure that you actually get some sleep at last, even if I have to knock you unconscious for that!"

After the past few dreadful days Ziva couldn't help the quizzical huff that escaped her mouth and sounded more like a chuckle, as she pushed the door open and stepped inside. "As if you ever could."

Tony decided to ignore this, and followed her into the apartment, relieved that she had actually finally reacted like the Ziva he knew and loved. Yep, loved, as in LOVE! He'd had quiet some time to think, sitting on the floor, to finally admit this to himself; at least when none of her neighbors interrupted him, suspecting he was a hobo, just like Ziva had a few years ago, until he showed them his badge. Didn't seem to appease them very much anyway.

But now he stood in her appartment, that looked like her and even kinda smelled like her, and even though he was still scared she might inflict some 'physical pain' if he went too far, he decided not to show fear as he casually perched onto her sofa, and found that it was much more comfortable than her doormat.

Ziva had simply strode through the room before him and headed to the kitchen to drink a glass of water. Since she didn't feel very welcoming yet she decided not to offer something to her unexpected, or actually not so much, guest. She didn't even expect him to be there anymore when she stepped back into the room, somehow she thought he might have vanished or something like that. "Tony," she exhaled, "what are you doing her – still!" She went around the room, picking up her jacket, which she had abandoned next to her shoes when she had stepped into her home, just to have something to do and not to deal with him.

Tony recognized her attempts to avoid him, and felt like he prevailed for once. He rose and slowly strode over to her. Scaring or threatening her right now would be fatal, so he had to be careful, but not too much. She wouldn't accept pity, and he was not offering any, so he fell back into their old banter-mode as he stood behind her exactly close enough to show her that he was close, without being too close. "I told you sweet cheeks, I'm gonna make sure that you can finally really sleep."

She spun around at this and her dangerously gleaming eyes met his sparkling ones. "Michael was – was -," she started but didn't know how to continue. Her head hurt from sleep deprivation, because her sleep of the last few nights had been haunted by flashbacks of shooting the killer, who hand nearly killed her, because she had let him take control, and didn't have her weapon with her. "Anyway, I'm not going to sleep with you, Tony, just because you're here right now," she spat out in exasperation, more annoyed about her own exhaustion than about him.

"Yes, you are. You are going to sleep with me, and I'm going to slepp with you. Next to each other. But we are not going to have sex, if that's what you mean. But I need this, too, OK?" She finally looked up into his intense eyes and saw that he was serious and that he wouldn't try to have sex with her. 'At least not today,' she added in her mind smiling.

As he gently guided her towards her own bedroom she felt confused again, a feeling she had come to know quiet well since the shooting, and which she was tremendously sick of. But as she felt the warmth of his hand creep through her shirt she also felt a rush of hope and the same cocktail of emotions, she always experienced when he was near, rush through her body. "What -," she started to ask in bafflement as she turned her face toward him, when they reached the bed.

But she quickly dropped her eyes gaze when Tony lifted his hands, cupped her cheeks and spoke softly. "Like I said. No talking. Alright? Just let it be for tonight. I'm here whenever you wanna talk, no matter what about. But right now, just accept. You are tired, I am tired. Sleep usually helps to cure that."

She wanted to know so badly, if this was what she felt it was, what she hoped. But on the other hand: if he was offering, without questions, without obligations – maybe she could enjoy the illusion just for one night, rather than never, which would probably be the consequence if she insisted on telling him what she wanted this to mean, because he would most likely make a bolt for it. So she remained silent and started getting a T-shirt and some pants to sleep in from her drawer. She was in such a sleepy trance already that she didn't even care or notice when Tony turned around to give her some privacy to change.

After she slipped under the covers he stripped to his T-shirt and boxers and went to switch off the light before he layed down next to her, leaving her some space between their bodies, so she would know that he did not want to do anything but sleep – tonight.

"I trust you, you know?" Tony wispered into the darkness, knowing that this was one of the things she had hated the most about his assignment with Jeanne, when she must have thought that he didn't.

"Hm, no talking. You promised" was all she murmured in reply and he smiled when he felt the bed move as she shifted closer to him. He did not think of her as a cuddler, but he was fairly sure that she would finally end up in his arms throughout the night. Smiling at this and listening to her steady breathing he soon fell asleep too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: Still not mine, cause if they where poor Cote de Pablo and Michael Weatherly would have to work overtime (hm, don't know yet, how you can work overtime if you're already working up to 16 hours a day), because CBS would have to add an extra hour TIVA to their schedule. (Also 4 letters just like NCIS, so it shouldn't be too difficult to establish this show. Oh my, I think I have to stop writing till 4 in the morning. And I'll have to decaf myself, maybe go cold turkey like Abby.)**

**I couldn't believe all the beautiful comments I received. I didn't think I would like reading reviews so much, but I actually do. Thanks a lot, I'm totally flattered you like this story. Also thanks that so many of you commented on my English. Well, maybe I should have mentioned beforehand that I'm studying English in my second year, so I didn't expect it to be complete rubbish. But it being my second language I just don't have this natural feeling for what sounds right, even though I'm really trying to get there. So once again, if anything sounds odd, please tell me.**

**I also realized, or better, someone made me realize (Thanks for that, even though that review made me kinda sad for a moment) that this stuff is not really very in character. Unfortunately I have to admit that it's true. I only really realized this after that message. But I also have to admit that I love this baby, and fanfic exists so we can make the characters be a little OOC, right? Otherwise we could only recap the show. This way we can make them do what we want them to do. TIVA deserves a little fluffiness every once in a while and I think the OOC-ness is just getting worse. So, sorry for that, but I can't help it. That's just the way the story flows. :-D**

**I'm not sure whether I'm as overly happy with this chapter as I was with the last one, but that might be due to the fact that it's difficult to assess your own words after you've read them toooo often. So I leave you guys to judge. I don't know if it worked, but I intended this to turn out so fluffy, your computers are probably gonna melt. So consider yourselves warned and keep them in the immediate proximity of a freezer. **

**Thanks for reading, even if you don't review.**

Chapter 2

It was still very early. Tony didn't really know and didn't particularly care what time exactly. He had woken up in the dark room smelling Ziva all around him in the sheets and immediately remembered the evening before, and smiled at the fact that he had really convinced Ziva to let him stay with her. As he regained more of his senses he felt her next to him. Her legs had somehow tangled with his and even though she wasn't exactly pressed against him, he could feel she was near; her forehead rested against his chest and her arms had inched towards him, one hand slightly shoved under his torso, the other gripping the fabric of his T-Shirt as if to make sure that he wouldn't leave without her noticing. He smiled at the realization that she didn't snore like a drunken sailor anymore.

Now he was running his fingers through her silky dark hair. He just couldn't help himself; lately Tony had found himself ruffling it, tousling it, even pulling at it a little whenever the opportunity presented itself. He sometimes feared that someone would read too much into his playful teasing, and he usually managed to play it down. But right now, right here he suspected that he was already addicted to feeling the soft texture under his fingers and seeing a brilliant smile light up her features. He rolled back a little bit so he could see her face in the dim light of the early daybreak as he softly stroked the hair away from her cheek. She looked so relaxed and vulnerable, young, like the carefree child she probably once had been until too much death took that away from her. He knew that there was so much more to her character than just her kicking ass and ninja skills, more than she most likely ever had anyone allowed to find out. But he just wanted her to be happy, to be able to sleep in peace like at that moment without the fears and pressures that usually lay upon her. So he massaged her scalp lightly and continued playing with her hair.

The tickling on her face slowly disturbed Ziva's sleep. She felt drowsy, but relaxed and more at ease than she had in a long time as she slowly drifted towards consciousness. She scrunched her nose against the slight tickle on her face and blinked lazily as she faced Tony's shirt-clad chest. She squinted again as she shifted her head back an inch to look up at Tony's concentrated, but yet open face. He seemed to be deep in thought as he played with her hair, so deep that he didn't even notice her at first. "What are you doing?" she muffled quietly, her voice scratchy.

He seemed to snap out of his trance and smiled even wider at her. "Don't know, wattcha think?" he whispered as he demonstratively flung a thick mass of hair towards himself, blinding her momentarily only to run his fingers along the side of her face to smooth it back again and reveal a bright smile as she understood his reference. "To be honest, I'm surprised that you haven't decapitated me yet for doing this."

Ziva shifted her eyes and took a deep breath wanting to say something. But she was at a loss at what to reply, which never happened to her, especially not with Tony. Feeling his gentle gestures, that made even more heat pool in the pit of her stomach than she usually already felt whenever he was near, she just couldn't think of one of her usual retorts. He just didn't deserve it. Not that he had deserved most of it over the past few days, but she just figured that he would leave her alone if she pissed him off and scared him enough. Well, that obviously hadn't worked, not that she felt like complaining at that moment. It just felt too good, too real, too right, when he ran his fingers through her hair so lovingly. She shouldn't let herself enjoy this. He was just trying to help, which she was thankful for, but it did not mean what she so desperately wanted it to mean.

Tony, seeing her so quiet, decided that joking was usually the right approach and smiled. "We gotta stop doing that, you know?"

"Doing what," she asked curiously as she shifted her eyes downward and her shoulders tensed at the thought that this was the moment when he started admitting that this was a pity call and she should snap out of it.

"Nearly getting ourselves killed. I kinda doubt that's healthy." He stroked her cheek as he continued, but she still had her eyes fixed on his chest. "You know when people say they age five years in one moment? Stupid cliché, but I guess that must have happened when McGee said that this guy shot at you. The probie didn't think it was necessary to tell me that you were relatively unharmed first. I still gotta talk to him about that sometime, he really gotta learn how to break news to people."

"So you were scared?" She couldn't help the uncertainty and doubt that flooded her.

"Yes, Ninja Girl, it doesn't happen often that someone overpowers you." Ziva's defensive walls were up again and she moved to roll away from him, but Tony reacted fast by pushing his arm under her body and curving around her waist to hold her in place flush against him. "Nope, so not gonna happen." He kissed her forehead unmistakably lovingly and let his lips linger in place a moment longer and directly smelled her sweet hair.

Ziva was paralyzed for a moment and when he separated his lips from her skin her head shot up to look at him through accusing eyes as she thought 'This was unmistakably, wasn't it? He can not be just acting.' Why did he have to be so confusing?

"What?" Tony shot her a challenging million watt smile, "want me to do it again?" He lowered his lips to her forehead again, and Ziva's eyes fluttered shut as her heartbeat speed up painfully when he continued to kiss he eyelids one after the other. His lips drifted to graze over the tip of her nose until he reached his destination. He hesitated mere inches before her lips to enjoy the anticipation as he let out a hot breath against her lips.

Ziva however was tired of waiting, of being confused by him and craned her neck to connect their lips. She gasped as she felt something like electricity shot through her whole body, intensifying contracting pain in her chest.

Tony didn't waste a second when he felt her mouth open against his and plunged his tongue inside to meet hers. Their passionate kiss at the Berkley had felt like nothing compared to this, maybe his memory had faded over time, or maybe they hadn't know each other so well back then, or maybe he hadn't feel that way about her, yet. It didn't matter, because right now, as their tongues dueled, he realized was everything he wanted to feel, everything he was capable of feeling for another person – it cumulated in this very moment. And everything was Ziva.

They literally had to tear their mouths apart when they were both close to passing out, neither knew whether from the amount of emotion they were experiencing or from using so much oxygen and not refilling their lungs. Neither of them had anticipated the impact just one kiss, well admittedly a pretty darn good kiss, would have and they could clearly see this realization in each others wide, bright eyes.

They had only managed to separate their faces by mere inches and their noses were still rubbing against each other. When Tony deliberately nudged Ziva with his they both let out something that sounded like a relieved giggle. "Tony, is this it?" she smiled.

"You really want me to say it? - Yes, this is IT." He kissed her again briefly. "But really, Ziva soulmates?"

"It's something Zeda said," she replied blushing at her uncharacteristic sappiness and shrugged, "and it just feels like that."

"Oh, believe me, I know it feels like that. But you could have thrown a bucket of ice water over me at that moment and it would have had the same effect."

"Maybe I should have done that. McGee and I would have had a good laugh over that." She shoved him playfully.

"I think we will have to discuss whose side you're on." He rolled over and pinned her to the mattress, her hair creating a halo around her head. "But seriously, does that mean I have my old Ziva back? No more attempts to break my wrist?"

"Well, that depends. But I think you are fairly safe right now." She rolled them back to their sides without so much of an effort, so they were facing each other once again. Realizing that he was talking about her cranky mood lately in general, she added. "I had been trying to send you messages, give you hints but you just ignored it. And I didn't want you to help me out of obligation."

"I couldn't let this be a rebound thing with you. Something to make me feel better while I was still not over Jeanne." He saw her eyes shift slightly at the name, and realized that through him she had caused Ziva pain too. "I knew it wouldn't work that way. And I know, I can't loose you. Not you, everyone else if I really have to, but just not you. It would be too hard."

"Well, I can only say, same to you, DiNozzo. Try not to get yourself blown up again." She tried to lighten the mood. They just weren't built to be serious for too long. It was important and necessary, but most of all they needed their banter and teasing to make sure they were still themselves.

"Oh, believe me, I don't want to see a sequel to that movie. But let's get back to you." He cupped her face gently to hold her in place, because he was afraid she might try to avoid him yet again, and so he rambled on "I want you to talk about what was the matter over the last few days. But I want it to be at your own terms. But I also think that it would be really good if you talked to me about however you felt, okay. If you don't want to right now, its fine. But please do it sometime."

Ziva managed to escape his grasp easily, but instead of retreating she shifted even closer to him, and lay her cheek on his chest where she could hear his heartbeat still frantic from their earlier make-out session. "I wasn't in control when I shot him and before. I didn't expect it. I didn't have my gun. I could have tried to knock him out, but **he** had a gun and I couldn't get the upper hand. I waited and waited for him to give me an opportunity to defend myself, and started feeling more and more out of control." She squeezed him a little bit and continued after a moment. "Whenever I was on a mission for Mossad I always knew that this one could be my last. I didn't even expect to reach the age I am now, but I always knew that there was this possibility of being killed. And by knowing that I could prepare myself, put my guard up, and defend myself. Over the last few days I feared I had lost this ability. I just couldn't put my finger on the question why I let it come so far that he was even able to corner me. And then, when I was at the warehouse again I realized that I just was unarmed, and he, he wasn't. He had this advantage over me and, I was helpless, because I had to depend on Gibbs and McGee to find me. But now I know why, and I can accept it. I am just not used to feeling helpless. "

"No, Ziv, helpless is not one of the features I would describe you with." Tony was glad she had let this all out and was able to understand her defensiveness of the past days.

"Oh, and how would you describe me then," she flirted back.

"Well, I'm sorry to say this, but I think this long, long list will have to wait till after work. Even though Gibbs send you home so often you could easily take a whole week off, he will still slap **me** silly, if I am not on time."

"What, it's so late? You made me skip my morning run."

"Yeah, well you looked like you needed to sleep so I switched off the alarm yesterday. And I thought you would wake up anyway as soon as I touched you."

"I don't know, I was probably completely tired, and I guess I just didn't feel threatened," she added a little quieter. Actually she could not remember if she had felt so comfortable with anyone ever before.

"Oh, so you were afraid of me at our little trip to the Berkley," he winked at her suggestively.

"No, I wasn't, I was annoyed by you, because it's really difficult to get some rest without actually falling asleep when you try to be on guard. So don't be too snug."

"Smug, Sweet cheeks, I guess you mean 'smug'. And wait a minute. You didn't sleep? Why were you snoring?" Her amirk already told him the answer. "You were faking it?"

"Yeah, well I hope I won't have to fake anything in the near future. Or what do you think?" Her eyes were gleaming at him.

Tony just thought 'screw work' and started to move towards her. "Oh, you didn't look like you were complaining earlier."

But Ziva had already leaped out of the bed, and was gathering her clothes for the day. "Well are you coming? We'll have to hurry up if we still want to drive by your apartment so you can change." Tony's head shot up and she noticed his mischievous look. "Don't get any ideas just yet, we don't have time for that. The bathroom is big enough. I take a shower, you brush your teeth, and afterwards we'll switch. I think I'll even find something for you to shave." He looked slightly disappointed but nevertheless followed her obediently.

"What? You want me to look like McGay with his 'feminine glow'," he exclaimed, when she opened the drawer over the sink for him.

"Don't worry, I won't tell if you are good," she winked at him.

"Oh, you have no idea, how good, Zi-vaahr," he called after her as she vanished behind the curtain.

**I don't know how often I've already said and written this over the last few days, but the hair to tousle thing must have been the BESTest line everrr...**

**Next chapter: Confronting Gibbs. (I can think of numerous reactions from him to breaking rule No.12 and I just thought I might add it to this, because it fits.)**


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